Hi!
I'm a 22 years old girl and I am about to become homeless.

I'll start the story by telling little bit about myself.
I moved out from my parents house when I was 16. I left because I was abused as a child and I couldn't tolerate it anymore. I've realised now it was good for me and I still have trauma flashbacks sometimes. I remember how I was 12 years old and I found some cutest little kittens from the barn. I really wanted to keep them and was about to hide them but still brought them to my mom. She said we can't keep them and I have to drown them. She gave me 2 buckets with water and held the other bucket with my hands on the kittens until they didn't move - I cried. Ive also seen my dad shoot a cat with a gun.
Im sure that's one of the causes i'm mentally ill.
I've been depressed as long as I remember. I know my first suicide attempt was at 14yo when I was bullied at school.
Now I don't have any parents or relatives and I'd rather die than talk to them again.

So the story continues. I moved out and found my first job - of course at a restaurant because there aren't many other options for young people. I did overwork already then because I wanted to become stable and succeed in my life.

Everything was better for a while until I turned 18 and found a loan add.
So at some point my life was falling apart again and I thought - I have suicidal thoughts okay maybe I should treat myself before I kill myself. End it with a big bang. So I took my first loan oh I was happy for few days so I thought maybe in future I will become a normal person who doesn't have to worry about money all the time. I worked I paid my bills monthly everything was okay but then the corona came. I didn't have my job anymore. So I had no other option than to take some more loans just to pay rent.
After the corona my situation has been going worse and worse. There were maybe 3 lockdowns or so some lasted for months

For now I have about 25000 in loans and I have to pay It all back.

I did find a new job and I work - a lot. I work about 240 hours every month but it isn't enough. Every month on my paycheck day I cry. I'm so exhausted from all the work and I just try to pay the bills but there's too many and all my money goes there. Last 2-3 months i've been struggling the most because I simply don't have money for all the bills and emails and calls from them are getting scary and the police may get included in days. I'm trying to avoid court cases and jail so I had to pay back loans instead of my rent.
Money for food or clothes - haven't had that in the last years. I've lost the last 4 years. I've made it to the breaking point. I can't do it anymore

To ease my problems I also ended up trying different drugs to find joy even for a while. It's always been easy to get those kind of things and so I digged another hole for myself. At times it went out of control and I ignored all the bad things and tried to live my life. I did became addicted for a while aswell but It didn't last long since i'm not rich or anything. So it ended I woke up to find everything even worse. That's another reason I hate myself just the stupidity to do those things.
I've been clean now for quite a long time.
I did learn my lesson and I promise if I get my things fixed I will go to psychiatrist for the real help.

I don't have many friends. Nobody has a place to move in and my problem is also so embarrassing. A young person that has failed in life already. So I keep my problems from everyone even my coworkers.
I simply suffer in silence and think of ending things.
If I don't get help that's probably best for me.

I know it's my own fault i've made it to this point and I hate myself. You don't have to help me if you think that aswell. I simply put the story here hoping for a miracle that probably won't happen

But honestly if you still decide to help i'm thankful for anything. You'd be an angel in my life