Family

I am emotionally and physically abused

by Zohra

Created May 03, 2021 | Algiers

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hi i am zohra from Algeria, i am 45 years old and i am looking for help now. I got married to him when i was 18 years old he was 31, our first year of marriage was heaven and little did I know what he was hiding behind all his sweet words. I gave birth to my first daughter and then he started showing his psychopath character, he was forcing me to watch gay porn with him and if i refuse he bullies me that i am not a perfect wife, he was beating me when he feals jealous even if there is nothing wrong, i tried to get divorced but my dad was against it he said there is no going back now, i became 25 with 2 daughters, i lost weight a lot and I started going to the psychologist i stried to convince myself that he is just fine and there is something wrong with me, he cut off all my social links, i was not allowed to have friends, i wanted to study once again and get a degree he threatened me to throw me to the streets if i dare, i wanted to work and have few money for myself and my daughters he said i am not allowed to work, i was not allowed to go outside whenever i want, i used to beg him to take me see my parents , i thought this was normal because Arab men are tough like that. My parents died and i had noone by my side anymore and the abuse got worse by him and his family, we were living with his mother and she used to cook food and not allow me to eat, she used to call me names and beat me, i thought of escaping but i have no where to go to, my parents used to rent a house so when they died they left me no house, i have no degree I couldn't find a job so i cant divorce and rent a house, whenever he abuses me i say it is over but i come back to him with my kids because i have nothing and nowhere to go to. Things were only getting worse until once in 2015 has beaten me and fisted me I didn't recognise my face it was all blue with bruises and swollen, i was not able to see with one eye for a whole month, i once again tried to save my life but I couldn't find a job, i dont have money to even hire an advocate but i went to the post police and did a certificate that shows that he has beaten me and if he does it again he will go to jail, thankfully physical abuse has stopped after a struggle of 20 years, but emotional abuse started to me and my daughters, he forced my old daughter to get married so he can get rid of her at home, i was against it but women stand no chance with Arab men, now he is abusing my second daughter emotionally, we get sick he doesn't take us to the doctor, if want something he does the opposite just to make us angry, he controls our lives, he controls our clothes and where we go and where not he controls literally everything and we feel like our identities are crashed and do not exist anymore, he is an extreme narcissist, he starves us he tortures us emotionally, i wish i can tell more about what we are going through. Now me my second daughter are taking depression pills it has been 3 years, and he is still triggering our trauma, we are trying to find a job but we couldn't. Last year I was going through very severe pain in my abdomen I begged him to give me money to go the doctor several times but he didn't care he said it is not serious. Until it got really worse, i went the gynaecologist and i found out i had HPV2, my husband admitted he has cheated on me and he was responsible for the sexual disease i am having now. The symptoms i am having now are getting worse and worse, the gynaecologist told me the type of HPV i have can transform into a uterine cancer, i told him i might need money in the near future in case I develop a cancer in my uterus he said it is noone of his business he can't afford money.. now I at my 40s i just want peace i am so emotionally tired i have never enjoyed life since always he ruined all my good moments, during my birthdays or an event, i want to get divorced and save what is left of my life and my daughter's and finally be able to feel freedom once again, i just need help to cover the divorce expenses and help in renting a small studio just meanwhile i do my best to find a job, i feel so lost with all what i went through and my daughter's struggle, my disease, and divorce.. but i will keep fighting. I am really sorry for taking all this time but i did my best to shorten it, if i told everything I wouldn't stop writing, thank you so much for being here for me and listening at least. With all what i wrote i feel a little better that karma will come back to who ruined my life, i am not asking for too much I really feel ashamed by even asking for money i wish life did better to me

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